Depression has made me its bitch. On June 1 2016 I felt very good about my life. I had spoken with my son, Luke, by phone the two previous nights. After having a rough weekend, he was very upbeat and shared with me his plans for taking classes on taxation and seeking out new employment options outside of Frankfort, where we practiced.
On June 2 2016, shortly after 12:00 noon I found Luke in his bed. He was dead. The autopsy showed the presence of benzodiazepine in his blood. Over the prior 5 months he had lost over 60 pounds. Mixing other substances, even alcohol can magnify the effects. Although the levels were within therapeutic limits, when combined with his weakened condition, his breathing and heart stopped. His death was accidental, but I know his use of these substances was due to his depression. He was just trying to sleep. By day he gorged on caffeine and protein bars to keep him alert and had difficulty sleeping at night. Over the prior 5 months he had lost over 60 pounds. Several years earlier he had used unprescribed Xanax, but over the past year had been seeing a therapist at the VA Hospital in Lexington and seemed to have his depression under control. After his death I learned that in the weeks leading up to his death he began taking Xanax again.
Luke’s death was my second heartbreak due to depression. On September 6 2005, while driving on I-64, I received a call from my sister Barbara. I knew from her voice something was seriously wrong. It was how I sounded when I called her in April 1991, and told her that our father, Walter “Pete” Bubenzer had died of a heart attack in Gulfport, FL. I suspected that our mother, Mable, who was 88 years old, had passed away. Instead she told me that our brother, Bill, had taken his own life outside of his law office in Park Hills. I had breakfast with him and his wife, Lois, about 2 weeks earlier. He appeared his usual upbeat self.
So now depression has grabbed me by the throat. I can relate Luke’s sleep patterns or lack thereof. I understand his difficulty getting out of bed in the mornings. I also understand the reason he seemed so soft spoken and reserved when he appeared in court. It was not a matter of being shy but rather his anxiety/depression.
But my purpose is not to gain sympathy for myself; my purpose is to inform, so that others can learn from my experiences. As this journey continues I will tell you more about Luke and Bill and the many characteristics they shared.
I also hope to share experiences from the families of other attorneys who have lost their loved ones to this often overlooked killer.
While setting up this website and blog this I received a piece of mail that I felt was sent to me by Luke himself. It was a registration form for a CLE Program in Lexington on September 1 titled “Volunteer Lawyers for Veterans.” In 38 years of practice I was never before invited to such training. I will be attending this one.
Until next time.
The Trials of Luke 