I took some time off for vacation and tried to clear my head and deal with my own depression that has sprung from Luke’s death. My counselor advised that I not write anything for my blog or even think about it during my trip. But sadly it is not an issue that one can avoid. On the day we were leaving, we learned that the 24 year old niece of my wife’s cousin was murdered in Dallas. Around that same time I learned of the suicide of a 27 year old former Marine from Covington, with whose family I was familiar.
The topic of depression, anxiety and PTSD have filled the news and social media. While much of what has been said is informative, we have seen examples of how uninformed others are on the subject. It is not a case of weak versus strong. These are illnesses with many origins. Our goal must be to both recognize and assist in healing or at least reducing the symptoms. That requires education and listening.
I fear I have learned far more than I ever wanted to know about depression. I just learned it too late to help Luke. If your loved one is dealing with depression, learn now and share with them the fact that you want to know more and that you want to be a part of their healing process.
While travelling home last Monday I saw the story of Nathan Desai, a 46 year old attorney in Houston, who had split with his law partner and fallen upon hard times. Mr. Desai turned his depression into rage against others and began randomly firing two guns at passing motorists, wounding nine people. When you look at his background nothing jumps out at you. He had no disciplinary issues with the Texas Bar Association. He had few active clients and as a result his business was doing poorly.
In reading the comments about the shooting, someone had posted, “Was he a Muslim?” Is that what we think of first rather than what caused this? People close to him said that he had begun exhibiting paranoid behavior in the two months prior to the shooting. The stress of the failing practice likely lead to these events. It is sad enough when the mental illness leads to suicide or substance abuse, but when it turns to aggression or assaults against others, it truly tragic.
What came to mind when I read about Mr. Desai was that he lived alone, which I believe is a trait of many depressed people. But is loneliness the cause or the effect. A friend recently posted a comment on depression which said depressed people want to be alone but they do not want to be lonely.
Luke treasured his privacy and lived alone. He told me shortly before his death that he wanted to move to Louisville or somewhere where he had more friends. At the same time he said he was very happy with his apartment. I believe that living alone increased the anxiety brought on by the lack of sleep. He had so much time to “think the worst” and no one around to talk to.
If you have someone close to you who is depressed, it is important to maintain contact with them and monitor changes in their social activities. Of course that can be difficult without invading their privacy. Where and when do we cross that line? Are they spending all of their time home alone rather than going to social gatherings or making their regular routine at the gym. They need the regular human interaction that they often try to avoid. Do not let them lock you out of their lives.
The Trials of Luke 